I have longed for thy salvation, O L-RD; and thy Torah is my delight. Let my soul live, and it shall praise thee; and let thy judgments help me. I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek thy servant; for I do not forget thy commandments. Psalm 119:174-176

05 May 2013

Spank Out Day USA Musings

Hibiscus - photo by J. Stahl

In honor of the "Spank Out Day USA" theme, I can think of no other loving painting or photo to share, outside of perhaps some interesting "Old World" church art pieces.   I've wanted to post since the day before Spank Out Day, but I've been processing a whole lot of information and feelings - so it's waited until tonight to come together.

I do not plan on really talking out the issue, but rather sharing a variety of articles and blog posts that have been helpful to me, and may also help others spread the message for next year's Spank Out Day USA.  I did not share these (for the most part) with family due to the knee-jerk reaction I knew I would encounter, but I did share this on Google Plus with most everyone else in my circles, irregardless of their religious beliefs.

At the end of these links and images, I'll post some videos that will also give some food for thought.
Thank you for sticking with me, though I've been long absent.

All of these are in no preferential order, but gathered in reverse from my Pinterest collection of Gentle Parenting ideas. If you didn't already know that we've transitioned from a position of punitive and fearful parenting to one of grace-filled and gentle parenting; now you do. SURPRISE!

Before I do get started, I have something here For All the Non-Spankers!

Let's get started, shall we?

"When I was about twenty years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time.

"But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking--the first in his life. And she told him he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying.

"He said to her, 'Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock you can throw at me.' All of the sudden a mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, it mkaes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.

"The mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. Because violence begins in the nursery--one can raise children into violence."
~From a peace prize acceptance speech given by Astrid Lindgren, beloved children's book author

Crystal Lutton, who runs Grace-Based Discipline, one of several Christian blogs that oppose corporal punishment, said the danger with the Pearls’ methods is that “if you don’t get results, the only thing to do is to punish harder and harder.”  Preaching Virtue of Spanking, Even as Deaths Fuel Debate

“As 5-year-olds, the children who had been spanked were more likely than the non-spanked to be defiant, demand immediate satisfaction of their wants and needs, become frustrated easily, have temper tantrums and lash out physically against other people or animals”…Physical Punishment Increases Aggression in Children

“Physical punishment is also associated with a variety of mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety and use of drugs and alcohol”… Canadian Medical Association Journal: Long-term Negative Effects of Physical Punishment

“IQs of children ages 2 to 4 who were not spanked were 5 points higher four years later than the IQs of those who were spanked”… Research Shows Children Who Are Spanked Have Lower IQ’s

The use of guilt-inducing parenting in daily parent-child interaction causes children distress still evident on the next day, finds a new study carried out by Kaisa Aunola, Asko Tolvanenen, Jaana Viljaranta and Jari-Erik Nurmi at the University of Jyväskylä, Finland. Parent Induces Guilt, Child Shows Distress

“Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain.  They concluded that caregivers should answer cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively.” …Dr. William Sears: Studies on the Effects of Excessive/Prolonged Crying in Infancy

“Dr. Allan Schore (1996), of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol can damage nerve connections in significant areas of the infant’s brain. His research suggests that not only does stress damage connections in these areas of the infant’s brain but when the areas of the infant’s brain responsible for bonding, emotional control, and attachment are not nurtured in a healthy way, those areas remain undeveloped or underdeveloped”…Studies on the Effects of Prolonged Crying in Infancy (see bottom of article)

Time Out: Australian Association for Infant Mental Health Position by DrMomma
What's Wrong with Timeouts?
Positive discipline: Why time-outs don't work 
The Case Against Time-out
  Our Get Along Shirt Guest Post by Dr. Laura Markham

10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling At My Kids
Scream-Free Parenting

Beating Black Kids: We Turned Out Fine?
Jesus, the Gentle Parent
Is Spanking Your Child Ever Warranted? by denny hagel
Myths and Facts: Spanking
Spank Out Day: 3 Untruths and 11 Alternatives to Spanking
The Great Spanking Debate By Jeannette Moninger from Parents Magazine 
5 Reasons why you shouldn't spank your kids
What is Grace-Based Discipline? My Journey of Understanding
How Spanking Changed My Life by DrMomma
Plain Talk about Spanking
Why Spanking Doesn’t Work
Faithful Parenting – Is Spanking Biblical? Dulce Chale
I Don’t Know Much But I Know I Don’t Spank
Spare the Rod: The Heart of the Matter
Spare the Rod?
Question: What is the best way to discipline my child?
Dripping Water: Gentle Parenting
Respecting Yourself, Respecting Your Child
A Jewish Psychology of Motivation
The history of Spanking - Crystal Lutton
Spare the Rod - Crystal Lutton (please see her site for more great information!!)
Interview with Crystal Lutton
Parenting Methods And Alternatives To Spanking
National Spank Out Day: 10 Answers to common reasons parents give for spanking their children
National Spank Out Day: Where Do You Stand?

Spanking - right or wrong?
The Discipline of the Lord ~ Hebrews 12
Practical, Gentle, Effective Discipline

So I hit him by Jennifer McGrail
Why Punishment Doesn't Teach Your Child Accountability

Why Not Train a Child? (check out everything there. It's all good!)
The abusive teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl
How to Raise Decent Children without Spankings or Time-Outs
The Road To Nonpunitive Parenting
Changing Your Mindset
This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You
When Positive Parenting Doesn't Work
7 Alternatives to Spanking and Harsh Discipline
My thoughts on Spanking
Reasons not to hit your child 
Terrific Toddlers; Tantrums and All 
National Spank Out Day
12 Steps to Gentle Parenting 
The New Normal  
Young People: What do think about spanking?
Killing the soul of Children–revisited

Other Helpful Articles:
The Age of Entitlement: Fact or Fiction? 
The Best Parenting Advice I’ve Ever Read
Faithful Parenting – Jennifer McGrail
10 Simple Ways to Slow Down & Make Your Child’s Day
Listen to the Little Stuff

10 truths you need to hear when you feel like a failure as a mom
5 Preventive Maintenance Habits to Keep Your Child Out of the Breakdown Lane
Magic Words – 10 Ways to Help Communication With Your Toddler & Preschooler
Mommy Fun Fact #17 ~ look kids in the eye
How to stop your child's irritating behavior
Useful phrases for Gentle Parenting
POYEL: More on Our Daily Routines
12 Steps to Gentle Parenting
How To Raise A Child While Disciplining Less
10 Dangerous Thoughts for Parents Who Want to Stay Calm 
19 things we should say to our children
Magic Words – 10 Ways to Help Communication With Your Toddler & Preschooler 
10 Ways to Protect Your Child From Stress
How To Get Rid of No 
When Food Dyes Color Our Child’s Behavior
The Gluten Made Her Do It: How going gluten free saved my daughter's mental health
Why Whining is a Win! 
An Alternative View of Tantrums and Emotional Upsets
How To Comfort a Tantruming Toddler  
End child nagging & negotiating with just three simple words
Relaxation on the Go!
VALIDATE FEELINGS - A Positive Discipline Tool Card
Helping Children Find Focus 
Gentle Parenting Ideas: Toddlers and Shopping Trips

A Parenting Moment: Eight Ways to Deal with Anger as a Parent
Need More Patience? Start With Yourself.
How To Handle Your Anger At Your Child
Attitudes About Naughty Children Make Parents More Aggressive
Building an Emotionally Safe Household 
I was spanked and I'm NOT OK: Why and what I do
How to Give Unconditional Love When You Didn't Get It Yourself
No more Guilty Mamas! Learning to “kick” the dark voices
Parenting Prompt
Prayer for Exhausted Parents

Last but not least, I'd like to invite you over to Gentle Christian Mothers Forum, Twitter or Facebook page; as well as Grace Based Living at Google Plus.

Other blogs I've found helpful can be found at Twitter: @RecoverGrace, @AbusedKids, @lisasunbury, @DefendTheSheep, @chfriendlyfaith, and @missmayim  I lost all my saved favorites, or I'd link to their websites directly. Another good reason for sharing twitter? Thoughts and processing that often does not make it to their blog is posted for you to interact with.

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